I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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