just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
