Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
