I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
