I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
