thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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