sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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