Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
