Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
