Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
