u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize