It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
