I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
