i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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