you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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