My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
