I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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