we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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