Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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