2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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