Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
