i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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