mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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