we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
