if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
