u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
