I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
