Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
