Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
