I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He has the fingertips of a God
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