There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
