Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
