he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize