i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
