Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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