this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
