I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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