hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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