This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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