Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Screwed.edu
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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