So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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