Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
this is an emotional support booty call
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
