Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
