I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
