I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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