Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
