My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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