there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
