just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She even gives head with a lisp.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
