I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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