The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
