Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
