Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
