so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
