we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
