her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
