Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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