I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize