Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
