So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
