It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
