I'm sorry my penis didn't work
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
