College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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