So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
