im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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