Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
