Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
