we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
