ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
