does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
