How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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