hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
