Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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