Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
