Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
