i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
