how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
