Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
