It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
