I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
